Overjoyed
by beccalovesmerder
Summary: What happened after Derek went to speak to Rose and before the season 5 premier? This explores how Meredith and Derek could have worked out their many problems to get their happy ending. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello!  
I have yet another story for you all! This idea just wouldn't leave me alone so I had to write it down.  
This takes place right where the season 4 finale ends and fills in the missing conversations I assume may have taken place during the time we didn't see before the start of season 5.  
Please let me know what you think and if you're interested in more!  
Enjoy!**

* * *

_**Chapter 1**_

The cool, fall air whipped around her again as Meredith wondered for the umpteenth time how much longer it would take Derek to get back.

She had been standing alone among the few hundreds of candles that she had outlined their future home in for about an hour now and, to be honest, she was starting to lose all feeling in her toes.

The beautiful land around her was cast in a soft glow from the candles and she couldn't help but look on in awe. If someone had told her a week ago she'd be building Derek a house of candles (complete with a room where their kids could play), she would have had them committed to psych. In fact, if someone had told her that this morning, she still would have told them they were crazy.

* * *

_As the chief's tail lights disappeared into the distance, Meredith plopped dejectedly into one the lawn chairs Derek has set up on his deck. In her frantic search to find him in the hospital, she had run in to Mark who informed her that she has just missed him._

_She had been hoping beyond hope that he had headed home to the trailer, but she was at a complete loss on where to look next._

_An unsettling realization suddenly occurred to her, causing her stomach to roll unpleasantly._

_Rose._

_He must be with Rose._

_It was fair. They were together after all. And when one has a major medical breakthrough, it wouldn't be unrealistic to want to celebrate with one's girlfriend._

_Not wanting to be here should Derek decide to move his 'celebration' to the trailer, Meredith stood and jumped off the porch. Due to the darkness, she didn't notice the small recycling bin and happened to knock it over in her haste to leave. After sending a 'why me?' sigh to the heavens, she leant down to pick up the beer cans and newspapers that had fallen out along with a roll of papers she couldn't identify until she neared them._

_She knew what she was holding before the dark blue papers were even unrolled but she found herself unable to stop herself. The moon and the dim shine of the porch light provided just enough light to make out the thin white lines that made up her and Derek's could-have-been home. _

_While the sight of these plans used to make her chest tighten in fear, now they only made heartrending tears prick at the back of Meredith's eyes. _

'_He's selling his land because of you.' Rose's words from earlier that morning were suddenly ringing in her ears. 'He was planning to build a house while the two of you were together and now…'_

_And now there would be no house. No home. No lifetime. He had planned out a lifetime with marriage and kids and a house, all for them. But now Derek was with his nurse and selling his land. _

_And where was she?_

_She was alone and ordinary. Just like her mother warned her not to become. _

_A few tears tumbled over her eyelids, causing her to look up and wipe them away in frustration._

_No. This was not how this was going to end for her. She refused to repeat her mother's mistakes. _

_If Derek was going to ride off into the sunset with Rose, he was going to do it with all the facts. She was getting ready for him, damn it. She didn't get all whole and healed just to have Derek end up with a random scrub nurse._

_After rolling up the blueprints, Meredith strode purposefully to her Jeep. She wasn't sure how yet, but somehow she was going to show Derek she was ready._

_Her rambling usually killed the effectiveness of the big speeches Derek seemed so fond at doling out. _

_But maybe she could take a crack at a grand gesture._

* * *

The wind started to pick up in the last few minutes, causing various candles to burn out and wispy, grey smoke to hover above the tiny glass containers. Still tightly grasping the neck of the champagne bottle, she used her free hand to pull her coat tighter around her body and shifted her weight back and forth on her feet.

The ominous turn the weather was taking was just about enough to make her call it quits and head to the trailer when she noticed the unmistakable flicker of headlights through the trees.

Her heart started hammering in her chest and she could feel her cheeks flush at the mere thought of Derek finally rounding the corner into the clearing. After weeks and weeks of only seeing each other in a professional setting, stolen glances, and constantly reminding herself that he was taken, Meredith couldn't believe that this was all really happening now. That she'd finally taken control of her life and was able to do something to show Derek how much she wanted that lifetime he promised her.

The sight of Derek finally entering through the break in the trees caused her train of thought to come to a screeching halt.

The closer Derek got, the wider his smile stretched across his face. By the time he crossed the outer threshold of candles, he looked as though he could burst with joy and his eyes seemed to sparkle and dance in the candlelight. They were so wrapped up in the other that neither noticed the first couple raindrops begin to fall.

Derek was now only a few steps away from her so Meredith opened her mouth to speak. However, the words caught in her throat and nothing came out. She took a breath to try again.

"I…" She needed to tell him.

She wanted to tell him.

But right as she opened her mouth a third time, the sky opened up and released a torrential downpour.

Meredith squeaked in surprise and they both stared at one another in shock, getting completely drenched in the process.

When her brain finally registered that they were standing in the rain like idiots, Meredith broke out in a run and headed straight for the trailer. It didn't take more than a few seconds for her to hear the squishy footsteps that signaled Derek was running close behind her.

They made it to the porch and Derek wordlessly let them into the small trailer. His small chuckle made her turn around to face where he was standing in his makeshift living room. Derek looked her over and chuckled again.

She couldn't blame him. She could feel her hair plastered to the sides of her face and the back of her neck. Her coat felt about fifteen pounds heavier thanks to all the rain it had soaked up and she was sure the small amount of mascara she applied earlier that night was smudged on her cheeks by now.

Looking over Derek in a similar fashion, she couldn't help but shake her head. Derek's coat and clothes had to be in the same condition as Meredith's, but that was where the similarities ended. Here she felt like a drowned rat and he looked as if he had just finished shooting a shampoo commercial. If she didn't love him so much, she'd hate him.

_Oh yeah!_

While she was internally rambling, Derek crossed the small space that separated them and now stood directly in front of her. Pushing aside a few strands of wet hair, he began to lean down to kiss to kiss her when Meredith finally blurted out the words she had been dying to tell him all night.

"I love you," she professed in one breath. Derek immediately pulled back to look at her in surprise.

"I meant to start with that," she stumbled, "before you were late and I started kind of yelling at you. I'm sorry about that, by the way. The yelling, I mean. Not loving you, because I do. In case the house of candles and ranting about playrooms didn't make that clear, I love you."

She gazed expectantly at him, feeling lighter than she had in months. Even if the past couple of months completely crushed any trust Derek had had in her, even if he didn't say it back, she had done it.

She did exactly what her mother hadn't been strong enough to do. She laid out her heart for him and told him how she felt even when she wasn't one hundred percent sure that it wouldn't come back to bite her in the ass later.

However, the adrenaline she had been feeling was wearing off quickly and Derek's silence was starting to cause her some concern.

"Dammit, Derek, at least say something!" she demanded, unable to mask the small quiver of worry in her tone.

"You're very, very bossy," Derek finally hummed with a smile. And Meredith smiled too.

Because that smile, the one Derek was sporting right at that moment, was the same smile he was wearing the morning he reintroduced himself after waking up naked on her living room floor. It was the same smile he wore the night he stood in the middle of her kitchen and told her he loved her for the first time. It was the same smile he wore just an hour ago as he asked her to wait for him.

"Keeps you in line," she murmured in response, remembering the conversation they had a lifetime ago in the interns' locker room.

Pulling her closely against him for the second time that night, Derek kissed her deeply. He poured every ounce of emotion he could muster into that one kiss.

"I love you too, Meredith Grey," he whispered against her lips as she caught her breath. "In case the kissing and the corny flirting didn't make that clear, I love you too." Derek chuckled and captured her lips with his own once more.

"Are you mocking me?" Meredith pouted in feigned annoyance.

"Only a little," he confessed, moving his lips to the side of her neck. "But only because I love you so much."

"Good," she sighed, running her hand through his wet curls and let herself enjoy the attention his lips were giving her.

They still had a long way to go and they both knew it. A major medical breakthrough and a house of candles didn't just fix all of their issues.

But beyond all of their mistakes, they could take solace in Meredith's words from earlier that night.

They could be extraordinary together, rather than ordinary apart.

And that was exactly what they planned to do.

* * *

**Let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for those who reviewed!  
**

**However, to the person signed in as a guest who decided to be ugly and negative: If you don't like the way I handle my stories, I'm not forcing you to read them. You're welcome to gtfo.  
As a matter of fact I didn't "abandon" my other story. I warned my readers that with work and school, the updates for that would be sparing. And for your information, this story won't be "abandoned" either because it's already complete, thank you very much.**

**Anyway, yes! You heard right! This story has been complete already :) I wanted to make sure I could update this one regularly and completing it before publishing was the only way to accomplish that. I'll probably update once a week, however, lots of feedback and reviews could convince me to update sooner ;)**

**Enjoy!**

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_**Chapter 2**_

The first thing Meredith noticed was that she was warm.

Her entire body was leaning against something very warm and familiar. Nevertheless, her mind was still hazy and in the midst of waking up, leaving her unable to pinpoint the source of the warmth.

The second thing that broke through her sleepy subconscious was that she actually slept.

For the first time in she didn't know how long, Meredith slept soundly and without nightmares, without panic attacks.

Her eyes popped open in surprise, not quite believing it. However, her sudden discovery was forgotten as soon as it registered that the warm, familiar object next to her was Derek Shepherd's body.

Derek Shepherd's warm, familiar, _naked _body.

As last night's events came rushing back to her, Meredith curled herself back against her sleeping partner and closed her eyes. This was the most relaxed and rested she felt since the two of them officially ended things (S&M and all) and she was going to enjoy the moment.

All too soon, she felt Derek stretch in his sleep, a sure sign that he was about to wake up.

Craning her head up slightly to look at him, Meredith's gaze was met with a pair of sleepy, blue eyes.

"Good morning," Derek mumbled with a smile, leaning down to kiss her softly.

Before she could respond with a good morning of her own, Meredith happened to glance over Derek's shoulder and settle on the bright red numbers of the digital clock sitting on his nightstand.

"Crap!"

"Crap?" Derek propped himself up on his elbows as he watched Meredith jump out of his bed and search frantically amongst their once forgotten clothes for her own.

"Hi," she apologized with a rushed smile, pausing momentarily as she shoved one leg into her jeans.

"I'm sorry," Meredith continued, still searching for her shirt. "I'm late. Like really, really late. Like 'I should have been at the hospital almost two hours ago' late."

"Didn't you-"

Derek's question was cut off by the shrill ringing coming from Meredith's coat that was left drying on the kitchen table.

After sprinting the small distance to the kitchen, Meredith pawed for her phone before flipping it open.

"Hello?...Yeah, I know," she moaned into the receiver. Realizing she was still missing a shirt, she continued to search for the garment while she spoke.

"Can you just cover for me until I get there?...I know you worked all night but…Where do you_ think_ I am?" she hissed, only slightly aware that Derek could hear every word of her conversation.

"...Look, I'm leaving as soon as I can, but it's going to be at least another 30 minutes and that's only if the ferry decides to keep on schedule…Okay, thank you, Cristina…Yes, fine, I _owe_ you one," she conceded.

She spotted the sleeve of her sweater sticking out from the corner of the bed and decided to end the phone. "I'll see you in a bit…Yeah, Bye."

Rolling her eyes, she stuffed the device in the pocket of her jeans and glanced back to Derek who was pulling on clothes of his own.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting dressed."

"Yeah, I see that," she responded with another eye roll. "But why?"

"I'll drive you," he replied simply as way of explanation.

"It's only seven. Does your shift really start this early?"

"I want to," he shrugged, kissing her cheek as he squeezed by her to start brushing his teeth at the bathroom sink. "Plus, I want to check on Beth anyway. She needs plenty of monitoring and I'd rather be there to do it than solely leave it to an intern who knows very little about her case."

Rather than fight him on the subject, Meredith merely nodded and continued gathering her belongings.

* * *

Ten minutes later the couple was ready to go and out the door. Unfortunately, after turning the key in the ignition, Derek was faced with the realization that the Land Rover's fuel gauge was hovering dangerously over empty.

Shaking her head in mock annoyance, Meredith hauled herself out of the car and beckoned him to her Jeep.

"I was a little preoccupied last night," Derek defended, buckling into the passenger seat of her car. "I was planning on getting gas on the way home, but instead I drove around all night looking for you. You're not an easy woman to track, Meredith Grey."

"Excuses, excuses," Meredith teased with a smile Derek vowed to make happen more often.

"It's true!"

"Mhmmmm," she trailed off, starting the car.

As Meredith started down the dirt road that would lead them back to civilization, Derek couldn't help but study her.

There was something different about her. A certain calmness about her that he hadn't realized was missing until now.

In her adorable ranting the night before, she had mentioned she'd gotten 'all whole and healed'. So far he was thoroughly enjoying this new and improved Meredith. This Meredith did things like build surprise candle houses, tell him she loved him, and not accuse him of something like hovering when he wanted to drive her to work.

Well, when he _attempted_ to drive her to work.

"Did you change your conditioner?" Derek asked abruptly after a few moments of silence. He noticed a change the second he sat down in her car, but hadn't been able to pinpoint what exactly the difference was until right then.

"What?"

"It smells like…I don't know some sort of flower. Different though. I know it's not lavender."

"Jasmine," Meredith answered simply.

"Hmm?"

"I bought out all of their unscented candles. It was either that or these really sickeningly sweet vanilla scented ones. The jasmine seemed like the lesser of two evils," she shrugged, still looking at the road. "I had to ask a sales person to check for more in the back. I'm pretty sure every person in the store was looking at me like a crazy person. On the bright side, we'll never need to buy candles again," she giggled, looking quickly over her shoulder at the chaos of cardboard boxes behind her.

Derek looked in response to her statement and grinned at the sight. About fifteen very large boxes were haphazardly strewn about her back seat and trunk. Most were open but he spotted a few unopened boxes on the floorboards behind the passenger seat.

"It smells nice," he agreed, turning back around. "But I'm glad you didn't switch conditioners."

"Are you really that attached to my conditioner?" she giggled.

"I have a thing for lavender," Derek smiled, sending Meredith a quick wink during the brief moment she was looking at him. The action left Meredith shaking her head and looking even more amused than she did a minute ago.

A simple smile settled on his face as he leaned back against the worn leather of the passenger seat and watched the early morning traffic around them. Meredith turned on the radio to some random station as some singer he couldn't identify was crooning softly in the background while she softly hummed along.

The easy silence that settled between them was comforting. This, in Derek's opinion, was a huge step up from the tense awkwardness that was following them around for the past few months.

There were still many conversations they needed to have in order to really get their happy ending, but right now, this silence was bliss.

* * *

**Thoughts?!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello!  
I'm about to get super busy (yes, even more than usual) and since the last chapter was on the short side, I decided to update before I originally planned :)  
Thank you SO much to everyone that reviewed! I know the story is already completed but hearing what you all think is always amazing!**

Enjoy!

* * *

_**Chapter 3**_

Their work day passed by quickly with Derek and Meredith's paths crossing only briefly when they checked on Beth. It seemed every time they attempted to find one another, something managed to get in the way.

Hoping for a moment together that morning, Meredith bought him a coffee only to find he'd been pulled into a trauma down in the pit. Cristina had reaped the benefit of that particular misfortune.

Later that day Derek had been hoping to buy her lunch when he spotted Meredith's name on the OR board. It was probably the first time he had genuinely resented a perforated bowel. Or any bowel for that matter.

Some time after five that evening he finally spotted her. Meredith's hair was still hidden underneath her light blue scrub cap and she had obviously just gotten out of her surgery. Derek seized the opportunity and propped his arm up on the nurse's counter she was using to fill out the patient chart.

"How was your surgery?" he asked in lieu of a greeting.

"Successful," Meredith offered with a tired smile. "Bailey's updating the family now."

"Good." Taking a chance, Derek gave into the natural instinct to kiss her temple. A decision he was thankful for as soon as he felt her lean into his touch.

"I missed you today," Derek continued. "It's been impossible to get more than two minutes with you all day."

"I know. It's been crazy."

"When do you get off?"

"Why? Need a ride home?" Meredith teased.

"No! Well…yes, actually. But I was really trying to ask you if you wanted to get dinner."

"Dinner?"

"Mmm," he confirmed. "It's a meal usually had between lunch and breakfast."

"You're funny. You're a funny man."

The teasing banter made Derek smile even wider. It was comforting to know they hadn't lost that connection. Even after everything they'd been through, being together was just…easy. It made sense.

"So, dinner?" Derek asked again, eyes begging her to say yes.

"That depends," Meredith answered, her sudden serious expression causing Derek to stand up straighter. "Can I get steak?"

Derek released the breath he'd forgotten he was holding and shook his head as he laughed.

"Is that a yes?"

"I get off at six," she smiled with a slight nod before striding off to check on her recovering patient.

"I look forward to it, Dr. Grey," he called after her.

It was impossible to miss the glowing smile she sent him before disappearing around a corner.

* * *

The couple met in the lobby before heading out to dinner. As much as she didn't want to, it was hard for Meredith not to look out for a leggy red head to come waltzing in as Derek helped her with her coat.

The whole situation had a strange sense of déjà-vu surrounding it.

Still feeling distracted, she allowed Derek to drive while she contemplated her earlier feelings. She didn't want to ruin their evening, but perhaps this whole talking thing was going to have to happen sooner rather than later.

The steakhouse Derek chose was perfect. It was nice while still staying casual; crowded but the booths allowed for an intimate feel all the same.

The waitress took their drink orders and left them to their menus when Derek spoke.

"Are you okay?"

She didn't know why but his question caught her off guard.

"What?"

"You've barely said a word since we left the hospital. Is everything okay?"

"I uhmmm…" She had wanted this to wait. She wanted to stay in their blissful little bubble a little while longer before reality had to pop it. "It all just seems a little familiar," she finished lamely.

"What do you mean?"

"Once upon a time you offered me wine, steak, and rule making," she whispered almost nervously. "You were helping me with my coat tonight and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't keeping one eye out for Addison to come walking through the door."

Derek visibly winced at the mention of that night.

"I'm not trying to start a fight. Believe me, that's the last thing I want. But I have to be able to say things like that. We have to be able to talk about things like this without breaking up. I don't know about you, but this is it for me, Derek. This has to be it."

He knew she was right. This was their third attempt at a relationship together and it had to be the last. This had to stick.

"I know I have issues," she continued, "but you do, too. And we have things we need to talk about so the next time we argue it doesn't turn into a war of 'who can hurt who more'."

The brave façade she managed during her speech was slowly wearing off and a worried expression started creeping on to her face.

"Does that make sense?" She cocked her head to the side. "I'm just saying I want us to talk this time. Last time you said you wanted me to know you and to start fresh and that didn't work. We have too much history to start fresh but that doesn't mean we can't get past everything and just move forward. Right?"

Meredith's worried expression was only worsening and Derek hurried to say something to make it go away.

"You're right," he quickly agreed. "You're absolutely right. I did say I wanted you to know me and I didn't live up to that. I'm just as guilty about not talking. We'll do it right this time," he promised, sliding his hand across the table to grasp her hand with his. "We're already doing better," he tried to joke, "We actually made it to dinner this time."

"It has to work this time, Derek." The pleading tone of her whisper was enough to break his heart, but the unshed tears he saw balancing along her eyelids completely did him in.

"We will, Mer."

"Everything," she began with renewed determination. "We have to talk about everything. About Addison, about my drowning, and Finn, and Rose, and all the walking away. Even if we have to lock ourselves in your trailer all week. We have to let everything go because I want that lifetime with you. I _need_ that lifetime."

"Whatever you want," Derek agreed instantly.

Squeezing his hand in response, Meredith merely nodded while she slowly lost the fight with her tears. Setting his menu down, he took the hand not currently in Meredith's possession and gently wiped away the offending tears.

"I promise you," he whispered, looking straight into the tortured green eyes across from him, "I will do anything it takes to make sure we get that lifetime together. We're going to get this right."

"So you'll tell me more than just your mother's maiden name and your favorite flavor of ice cream?" Meredith laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

Derek chuckled along with her. "I'll tell you whatever you want."

Meredith took a moment and just looked into his eyes. "I really missed you, Derek."

"I-"

Before Derek could return the sentiment, the waitress returned with their drinks and prepared to take their orders.

Meredith offered Derek an understanding smile, assuring him with a look that she knew he felt the same way.

The rest of their dinner passed with comfortable banter and careful descriptions of the surgeries they'd witnessed and performed that day. It seemed as though a silent understanding had passed between them. Both realized that a crowded restaurant was probably not the best location to start on the long list of overdue conversations they needed to tackle.

* * *

Derek wrapped his arm securely around Meredith's waist as they made their way back to the car.

"Did you have a good time?" Derek asked as they settled themselves in the Jeep, flashing her a flirty grin in the glow of the dashboard lights.

"Dinner was very good," she agreed with a slight gleam in her eye. "Although I think we forgot something."

"What?" He was honestly at loss and wracked his brain for when he could have gone wrong.

He had made sure her steak was cooked to her complete liking, they'd split a delicious piece of cheesecake for dessert, and conversation flowed the entire evening. She'd even mockingly berated him when he 'threatened' to skimp on a tip to get the waitress back for interrupting them earlier.

"You made good on the wine and the steak but I think we missed something."

Then it dawned on him. "Rules."

"Rules," she confirmed.

Derek had to smile at the change he'd already noticed in Meredith. She seemed much more direct and open about things. More like the Meredith he'd met before Addison popped up in Seattle. He was determined to do everything he could in order to strengthen this new confidence she was sporting.

"Do you want to make them now? Or would you rather wait until we get to the trailer?"

"Uhmm…How involved do these rules usually go? I don't…"

And then it hit him. A memory from the past year rushed back to him and ran him over like a train.

"_You've never done this before?"_

"_I've never done this before."_

She'd never done this before. And time and time again he managed to forget that. Not this time though.

Smiling understandingly, Derek started to explain. "We can make them however we want. There aren't rules to making rules. We'll just start with simple things and go from there."

"Like no more nurses?" Meredith coyly suggested.

The smile behind her eyes told him she was teasing…or probably only half teasing.

"And no more vets," he added.

"What if we want to get another dog?" She couldn't resist pushing his buttons.

"Then we'll find another vet. Forgive me for not wanting to willingly spend time with someone who's seen my girlfriend naked."

Rolling her eyes, Meredith decided to put that particular argument to rest once and for all. "He never saw me naked. Finn and I never slept together."

"What?!" Derek exclaimed, whipping his head in Meredith direction.

"Derek! Red light!"

Derek cursed under his breath, slamming on the breaks.

"Jesus Christ," Meredith hissed, throwing her hands out against the dashboard as the sudden stop propelled her body forward. "What the hell, Derek! If I had expected that reaction I would have waited until we were stationary!"

"Sorry," he mumbled, only daring to glance over at her out of the corner of his eye. He didn't know why that little piece of information caused that large of a reaction, but clearly it needed to be addressed.

Once the light switched from red to green, Derek eased the car forward along with the rest of the late night traffic. The silence that filled the cab was different than that of that morning. Unspoken words and awkward emotions lingered around the couple, daring someone to be the first to speak.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

The usual confidence Derek's voice usually possessed was nowhere to be found, causing Meredith to barely recognize that he had spoken.

"What?"

"When we had that fight in the stairwell," he clarified. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you have even believed me?" Meredith countered. When Derek didn't answer, she continued. "I went with him to help birth a horse. And it was just as messy as it sounds. He offered to let me shower while my clothes were in the washer and I borrowed some of his clothes while mine dried. That's what you saw when you came over with Doc. I wasn't even planning on staying the night until you brought him over. I didn't spend the night with Finn, I spent it on his kitchen floor with Doc making sure our dog was comfortable."

"You could have tried to tell me. You didn't even deny it."

"It wasn't any of your business," she insisted, trying to keep her tone gentle. She could see Derek slowly entering into a brooding mood, which wasn't exactly conducive for the calm conversation she was going for. "You were married. I didn't corner you in elevators and call _you_ a whore for sleeping with Addison. And I know you were."

Recovering from what he was sure was a very visible wince at the mention of his attempt at reconciliation with Addison, Derek timidly began to speak. "So, when you were dating us both…you never…?"

"I could count the amount of times we even kissed on one hand," she said adamantly waving her hands about for emphasis. Flopping back against the seat, she chose to focus on her lap.

"Nothing ever really happened," she mumbled. "It was always you. It was always going to be you."

She could feel Derek's eyes flick rapidly back and forth between her and the road, but if she was going to get all of this out, she couldn't let herself look at him. "I was just scared of getting hurt by you again so I dragged it all out by suggesting the dating. I would have picked you sooner, but the wooing was nice. No one's ever fought for me before," she shrugged to herself. "My Dad chose his shiny, new family, my mom chose her career, you chose Addison…but all of a sudden I had two great guys who wanted me. I think I got a little caught up in that and that's why I took longer than I meant to, to pick you. But then you walked away before I could tell you so that's a moot point anyway."

When she finally looked up from her lap, the first thing she noticed was that the car was no longer running. Derek's trailer was sitting directly in front of them and a small lantern on the porch was currently their only source of light. The man beside her was gazing at her with an expression she couldn't decipher, making no move to exit the Jeep.

"You have to believe me, Mer, I honestly thought I was doing the right thing by walking away. I knew I had done nothing but hurt you basically since we met. I just wanted you to be happy. That's still all I want for you."

"_You_ make me happy," she admitted softly.

Derek chose that moment to quickly exit through his door and move around the front to open hers. Helping her out of her seat, Derek wasted no time in pulling Meredith tightly against his chest. Both parties were completely content to simply hold one another, relishing in the closeness.

"No more walking away." Meredith's voice was muffled by Derek's shoulder, causing him to pull back slightly to look at her.

"Hmmm?"

"Our second rule," she explained. "No more walking away."

"I like that rule," Derek smiled, brushing his lips against hers.

"Did we just have an adult conversation?" Meredith questioned with feigned disbelief.

"I think that's called progress," he laughed.

"We didn't get very far in our rules though."

"We have time," he promised, kissing her slowly again before leading her to the trailer.

* * *

**Review and you get a cookie ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Cookies to all who reviewed!  
****As promised, here's the next chapter :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_**Chapter 4**_

When they made it into the trailer, Derek watched as Meredith carefully placed her shoes beside his and set about putting away her coat and bag. He smiled to himself, content in the knowledge that she seemed to feel at home there with him.

"Would you like some coffee?" He offered, slightly indicating to the pot on his left.

"Sure," she smiled gratefully.

A few minutes later he finished measuring out the appropriate amount of water and coffee grounds when Derek felt two thin arms creep around his midsection and Meredith bury her face between his shoulder blades. After pressing the switch to turn the coffee maker on, he twisted around in order to hold the woman behind him properly.

"I see you found my sweatpants," he teased lightly.

"Well, next time I'll bring some of my own clothes so I don't have to steal yours."

"Or you could just not bother with clothes all together," he decided, skimming his lips against the side of her neck. Meredith giggled at both his suggestion and the feel of his breath tickling her skin. "I'm all for naked time. More naked time, I say."

"Fist talk, then naked time," Meredith promised before giving his lips a firm peck.

Knowing she was right, Derek followed her over to the small booth that acted as the kitchen table. She was wearing a determined expression that told him to wait and follow her lead.

"I have another rule," Meredith finally began. "We have to talk more. Looking back I feel like so many things could have been fixed or completely avoided if we had just talked to each other. Too many times we shut the other out or just assumed what the other was feeling without really asking." The soft, understanding gaze Derek was sending her seemed to give her enough motivation to continue on. "I want to talk about it all, Der. Everything and anything that has happened since the day we met. I'll tell you anything you want to know and I hope you'll do the same."

"Of course," Derek readily agreed.

"Good," she nodded with a small sigh of relief. "But I think we should have rules for this too."

"This rule has sub-rules?" The heart melting glimmer in his eyes made it impossible for Meredith to even pretend to scowl at his quip.

"Rule one: We're talking, not fighting. Nothing said during these conversations is being said to hurt the other. We're just going for honesty here."

Derek just nodded in agreement and allowed her to continue.

"Rule two: Once we finish talking about something and both agree it's been put to rest, it has to stay that way. We can't keep opening old wounds and throwing things back in each other's faces."

"Agreed."

"Anything you'd like to add?"

Derek pondered for a moment before noticing that the coffee must have been done brewing a few minutes ago. He rose to pour their drinks before answering her question. "More like an add-on to rule one," he clarified. "I think that if we possibly do start to fight or get defensive, we take a breather. Step back for a bit to collect ourselves."

"That's a good plan," she grinned, accepting the steaming mug. She smiled as she sipped, noticing that he remembered exactly how much milk she liked in her coffee.

"Did you, uhmm….Did you want to start now?" Meredith had to keep herself from giggling. A fumbling, nervous Derek was something very rarely seen and very few were privy to. "It's not that late and you have tomorrow off, don't you?"

"I do," she answered simply, taking some perverse enjoyment out of watching him squirm.

Noticing she was a tad too gleeful at his expense, Derek amusedly rolled his eyes and carried on with a bit more confidence. "We could just stay here all day; work everything out. Then by Monday the air will be clear and we can move on. Forward."

"Towards our lifetime," Meredith quietly finished.

"Exactly."

If Meredith was having any doubts about their recent reconciliation, the look Derek was giving her now would have quickly put them to rest. The look of pure love that was shining through his eyes was enough to take her breath away. And it had been entirely too long since she had seen that perfect, blissful smile grace his lips. She decided then and there that she'd talk about their future all night if she could keep that smile on his face for as long as possible.

"So….Addison…"

Her own smile quickly disappeared at the mention of his ex-wife and was replaced with a mixture of confusion and a small amount of irritation.

Off her look, Derek rushed to clarify. "You mentioned her earlier. When you brought up the things we needed to talk about. I figured the beginning would be a good place to start."

"Ahh," she nodded.

"You haven't forgiven me for not telling you about her," Derek ventured after the two sat in silence for a moment.

Meredith bit her lip in apprehension, staring into the bottom of her coffee cup. "No, I don't think I ever did," she admitted quietly.

Derek nodded and sighed deeply, searching for the right thing to say. "I don't know what to do here. I know I was wrong, incredibly wrong, not to tell you about her."

"Why didn't you?" Meredith interrupted. She was finally looking at him, making Derek wish she was still looking at her mug. The pain behind her eyes made his chest ache and knowing he was the cause made him nauseous.

"I was going to. I promise, I was. But I kept putting it off more and more because the longer we were together, the more I started falling for you. I was terrified you'd leave me. It was easier to just pretend my marriage didn't exist. But then Addison started calling and sending me messages. I didn't answer any of them but I knew she was getting closer to tracking me down. The night she showed up, I had actually planned on telling you everything, I swear. She just beat me to it."

Meredith nodded but didn't say anything. He couldn't tell if she was just processing what he said or shutting him out.

"I know why you stayed with her," she finally spoke in a fragile voice, "or I understand your rationalization behind it. But I don't…I didn't feel like you ever really understood how much you hurt me. I was in love with you, Derek. And that wasn't something I had ever thought I would find. You know what my life has been like. But, I told you, I thought I had found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with and not only were you secretly married, you left me for her. It broke me, Derek. And you've never apologized for it."

"I…I…" That couldn't be right, he thought. He had to have apologized for being the colossal ass hole that he was for those very long six months.

"You didn't. You stood in my kitchen and told me you loved me and that you chose wrong, but you never said you were sorry. And we never talked about it again so I don't know why you were griping about not having that fight again when I asked you about Rose. There never was a fight about this. We fought after she showed up, I asked you to pick me, you didn't, and we never talked about it again after you got divorced."

Derek swallowed thickly, realizing she was completely right.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Derek wordlessly moved around to the other side of the table and immediately pulled her into his arms. He took a moment to just hold her tightly, breathing in the comforting scent of her hair.

"I am so sorry, Meredith," he murmured into her hair. "I know this is ridiculously belated, but I truly am. I was caught up in finally being able to tell _you _that I loved you. And in my head I guess telling you that I chose wrong was me apologizing for choosing Addison in the first place, but that obviously isn't how that came across and that's my fault."

"It's okay," she mumbled into his shirt.

"Is it?" He pulled back to look at her. "Is it really? You can ask me anything, we can talk about it more."

"Do you want to talk about it more?" Meredith lightly chuckled with a quirked eyebrow.

"I just…That didn't last as long as I had expected it to…"

"I just needed you to hear my side. I just wanted you to understand."

"I do. And Mer, I hate that I did that you. I'd apologize every day if you needed me to."

"Once was good," Meredith decided, leaning back into his chest.

Neither seemed to be in any hurry to move so they stayed seated in the small booth with Meredith perched in Derek's lap.

"Why did you say 'finally tell _me_ that you loved me'? You made it seem like you told somebody else…Which wouldn't really make a lot of sense…" Meredith rambled, trailing off.

"I, uhmmm, I told Addison."

"What?!"

"It was Christmas time and I was missing you more than usual. I was…moping."

"I had noticed," Meredith interjected softly.

"So had Addison. She was bugging me about what was wrong all day. I finally told her Christmas makes you want to be with the people you loved. And that I wasn't saying it to hurt her, but being with you wasn't a fling or revenge. I had fallen in love with you. And that it didn't just go away because I decided to stay with her."

"Merry Christmas," she muttered sarcastically.

"What?" Derek asked defensively.

"I'm just saying, that's an awful thing to have to hear!"

"I can't win with you," he feigned frustration, before leaning in slowly to placing a gentle kiss on her lips. "Are we okay?"

"Yeah, I think so," Meredith replied, leaning in for a kiss of her own.

"Do you want to keep talking?" Derek managed to ask as their onslaught of kisses grew longer and longer.

"Not particularly."

"Do you want to move this to the bedroom?"

"God, yes," she half sighed, half moaned as he moved his lips along her jaw and down her neck.

Derek wasted no time in lifting her off his lap and towards the bed.

* * *

**Updates come quicker to those who review ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

After a break and an unavoidable detour into the bedroom, Derek and Meredith lay quietly in bed.

Derek was propped up on his elbow, resting his head in his hand while his other hand was preoccupied in rubbing lazy circles on the curve of Meredith's hip. He gazed lovingly down at her, relishing in the fact that for the first time in too long, she had no intentions of leaving his bed any time soon. While he had greatly enjoyed the 'S' in the S&M, it left something to be desired.

"What are you thinking about?"

For a moment he considered brushing it off, telling her it was nothing, and trying to initiate a round two. But in the spirit of talking, he decided to tell her.

"It's just…I'm so happy you're here. And that you're staying. I hated watching you leave my bed in the middle of the night. Although, it was easier than having to leave yours," he confessed with sad eyes.

Meredith's expression mirrored his as she raised her hand to lovingly hold the side of his face. "I'm so sorry, Derek," she whispered. "I just…" She shifted her gaze to the ceiling of the trailer. "I didn't know how to let myself be more for you."

"I wasn't asking for you to change for me, Mer."

"Yes you were. You wanted more commitment. At the time, there was no way I was going to be able to give that to you. I had a lot of issues to work through. I still do probably."

"I pushed you," Derek admitted. "The speeches about kids and marriage; throwing house plans at you."

"Maybe," she allowed. "But it wasn't all you."

She turned to look him in the eyes again before continuing. She needed him to pay attention to this part.

"It was never about me not wanting to be with you. I've always loved you, Derek. Even when I wished I didn't. It wasn't that I didn't want the house or a family with you. I just didn't know how to let myself have a happy ending. I've spent my life accepting that things like that simply weren't in the cards for me. Then you crashed into my life and messed all that up," Meredith teased, lips curling upwards slightly. The nervous tightening in her chest eased a bit when he offered her the same small smile.

"I knew the S&M wasn't enough for you," she admitted. "But I wasn't ready to completely give you up."

"It wasn't just you," Derek assured her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closely in the process. "I wasn't ready to stop the break-up sex either."

"It wasn't about the sex," Meredith told him, remembering the conversation she'd had with Cristina months ago. With her face resting against his shoulder and his arms wrapped protectively around her, she felt brave enough to share this with him. "It was about the moment after. It was like the world would stop. Like everything was perfect, even for just those few moments. You just…you made me feel so safe. And I wasn't ready to let go of that."

She felt his embrace tighten around her at her words.

"Do still make you feel that way?"

"All the time."

The sureness in her voice made his heart soar.

No more words needed to be said that night and couple peacefully fell asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

When Meredith woke up the next morning, she did so quite early.

The past few months of marathon shifts, researching like hell for the clinical trial, and fitting in therapy sessions, left her body used to running on very little sleep.

Curling back into Derek, she attempted to go back to sleep. After about forty minutes of lying there with no luck, she decided she had slept enough and got up to make some coffee.

She transferred the finished drink into a mug and slipped outside on to the porch after stealing Derek's robe. Walking straight out on the deck, she took a seat on the first step, continuing to sip her drink while taking in the view around her.

Some low lying mist was hovering beautifully over the vast amount of dew covered grass in front of her. The darkness of the sky was fading into something lighter and she could tell the sun was getting ready to rise. The lighter it became, the more of the land she could see.

She shook her head slightly, remembering the clenching pain in her chest when Rose had told her Derek was planning to sell his land. It was the second time she'd heard him consider the act and, for the second time, she wasn't in a place to be able to tell him not to do it.

Thankfully a lot can change in 24 hours.

There was no way she'd ever let him sell this land. The trailer, the 40 acres, the pond with rickety dock he liked to fish off of; they were all pieces of the man she'd come to know and love. This was where she first got a glimpse of the man she was falling for. It was where they'd walk Doc every other morning and talk; her only solace during that time in her life. It was where he once wanted them to spend the rest of their lives together. Selling it would feel like losing that part of him.

"There you are."

The tired voice behind her made her turn in her seat. Derek stood in the door was of the trailer wearing long pajama pants and her favorite fleece pull over.

"And there's my robe," he observed with a teasing grin. Taking a few steps toward her, he let the door slam behind him before taking a seat on the deck behind her and pulling her against his chest.

Sighing contently, he kissed the side of her head. "What are you doing out here?"

"Thinking. I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep."

"What are you thinking about?"

"You're not selling your land, right?" she asked in lieu of actually answering.

"Where did this come from?"

"Rose told me a couple days ago. She said you were selling your land because of me."

Derek pondered his response before answering right away. "I was planning on it," he admitted. "This was supposed to be the place I built a house for us; for our family. You had said that I didn't want you, that I wanted someone who wanted the same things. And maybe that's what I was trying to do with Rose, but I realized I couldn't even bring myself to bring her out here. How was I supposed to build a life with anyone but you out here? So yes, I was planning on it. But to answer what I'm sure is your next question, no, I'm not planning on it anymore."

He kissed the side of her head again, just to remind himself that she was really here.

"If you felt that way about Rose, why were you with her?"

Derek could hear the unmistakable vulnerability in her voice. Like she wasn't even sure she really wanted the answer.

"Rose…Rose was a failed attempt to forget about you," Derek sighed regretfully, unconsciously tightening his arms around Meredith. "It started because I asked her to dinner when I was still mad at you because of our fight. It continued because I think I was trying to prove to myself that I could be happy with someone else. And she's a nice enough person but…It was never going to actually work out and I think she knew that too. I've never stopped loving you, Mer. It wasn't fair to you or Rose."

"It was like having to watch you with Addison again," Meredith reluctantly admitted. "It was hard. I wanted you to be happy so if Rose was going to make you happy, I wasn't going to get in your way but…"

"But what?" he gently urged.

"I know you slept with her. The chief was on that 'Date and Tell' kick. George was asking me for mine and she came up and said she needed a form after all."

Derek felt sick. "She shouldn't have done that."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Derek. We weren't together."

"I'm still truly sorry for that…That entire situation really. In retrospect, I should never have even kissed her; I should never have gone out with her. I should have gone to you so we could talk like we are now."

"We can't play the 'shoulda, woulda, coulda' game, Der. We'd drive ourselves crazy. We're here now."

"We are," he smiled into her hair.

"I had some stuff to do to get ready anyway. I needed that time. Get all whole and healed." She shifted slightly so she could offer him a smile.

"I didn't need to be causing you added stress though." He pondered her words for a moment. "You said that the night before. 'Whole and healed.' What do you mean by that? What did you do?"

He watched Meredith capture her bottom lip between her teeth nervously before a low grumble caused them both to look down and chuckle.

"I'll tell you," she promised. "But first you have to feed me."

Kissing her lips sweetly, he helped her to her feet.

"Deal."


	6. Chapter 6

**_Chapter_ _6_**

"Mmmmm."

Meredith sighed contently into her bite of pancakes. She was curled up on one side of the trailer's small booth that served as the kitchen table and had yet to relinquish Derek's robe. In her defense, it smelled strongly of its owner and was just too damn cozy.

"Do you need anything else?" Derek asked from his spot in front of the stove.

"Nope, just you to come join me," she added with a flirty grin.

She couldn't remember the last time she felt like this. They still had a lot more to discuss, but the last time she felt this at ease with their relationship was in the very beginning. After her first visit to the trailer but (obviously) before Addison popped into the picture.

Derek finally settled across from her with his own plate and smirked at the river of syrup Meredith had drowned her breakfast in.

"What?"

"Got enough syrup?"

"Shut-up," Meredith giggled, trying not to choke on her mouthful of pancakes.

"I take it the food is okay?"

"They're perfect. I don't know how because you always use the mix like everybody else, but your pancakes have always been my favorite."

Derek smiled at the praise. "Better than Izzie's even?"

"Even better than Izzie's," she confirmed, leaning over the small space to press a sweet kiss to Derek's lips. "Just don't tell her I said that."

Derek laughed and started digging in to his own plate. "So," he began with a hint of nervousness, "all whole and healed?"

"You're just not wasting any time, now are you?" she teased.

"Not my style," Derek teased back.

Meredith pushed a few bites around her plate as she attempted to gather her thoughts. "I wanted to be better for you and it seemed like it was working out until the whole kissing Rose thing happened. You were partly right," she confessed, looking up at Derek. "I wasn't _looking_ for a reason not to trust you, but when it came to trusting you to pick me over someone else; I didn't trust you to do that. I just didn't trust you."

Although he hadn't let go of his fork, Derek stopped eating and was focused on her words. Sensing there was more to her explanation, he remained silent.

"That was just the beginning of my issues. After we officially ended it and you started seeing Rose, I couldn't sleep. I was having some trouble sleeping before that, but it got worse after we stopped seeing each other. When I did sleep, there were nightmares and panic attacks and I was driving Cristina completely up the wall. So after about three weeks of that I made an appointment for a therapy session."

As soon as the word 'therapy' left her lips, Derek's fork clattered loudly onto his plate. To be fair, she was expecting a similar reaction. She clearly wasn't a therapy kind of girl as Cristina had been quick to point out.

"Right?" she asked, acknowledging his shock. "It took two weeks before I actually said anything in any of my sessions and I think I fired my therapist about seven times but it turned out to be fairly eye opening."

She offered the man across from her a half smile, not exactly able to tell what was running through his mind.

Her smile started fading and she bit her lip in apprehension. "Okay, Derek, you need to say something because I honestly have no idea what you're thinking right now and you're starting to freak me out."

"I gave you panic attacks?"

She would have laughed if his expression wasn't so painfully sad. "Was that all you got out of that? And no, it wasn't your fault I wasn't sleeping. When we were still together, or kind of together, you actually helped. Not having you around at all forced me to see how bad it had become. And it got me to go see Dr. Wyatt and work through everything else, so it turned out to be a good thing."

Derek failed to see how panic attacks ever turned out to be a good thing but he kept the thought to himself.

"You still see her?" he asked instead.

"Uhmm…Yeah, I guess. I saw her that day I built the candle house. Or that night. She actually helped me figure something out that made me decide to build it in the first place," Meredith confessed with a slight grin.

"Can I ask what it was?"

Her smiled faltered momentarily and if it were anyone else besides Derek, the act probably would have gone unnoticed.

"I suppose." Her tone wasn't very convincing though and what should have been a statement came out more like a question.

"You don't have to-"

"No, I really don't mind. It's just…It's not a very happy 'pancake breakfast with your boyfriend' type of story. And Dr. Wyatt is the only one I've ever told it to. I'm not sure where to start."

"Wherever you want."

The tone he used reminded Meredith of the voice he used when speaking to a timid child; comforting and coaxing all at once.

"My mother slit her wrists in front of me." Meredith didn't want to look at what she was sure was a look of utter horror on Derek's face. Instead she fixed her eyes on his discarded fork for lack of anything better to focus on.

"I was five. My dad had already been gone for a couple weeks and Richard had just left her. I was playing on the kitchen floor back at the house when my mother pulled a scalpel out of her purse. She told me that no matter what, I wasn't supposed to help her. Obviously I had no idea what she was talking about but I agreed anyway. I knew if I didn't, she'd scold me or take away the toys I was playing with."

Her eyes clouded over at the memory of what was coming next. She was thankful for Derek's lack of interruption as she gathered her thoughts.

"Then she sat down on the floor with me. I remember being excited because it seemed like she was going to play with me which was something she never did. Thatcher would when he was around but, like I said, he had left a couple weeks prior to this and I was starting to get lonely." She waved her hand in her face as if to swat the painful memories away. "Anyway, I knew what the scalpel was. I had spent enough time at the hospital with her to recognize it. Right before she held up the blade, she looked me in the eye and said 'Be an extraordinary woman, Meredith'. She told me she had failed but that I should be extraordinary, that I shouldn't depend on anyone. Then she did it."

She finally stole a quick glance at his face. "I had to sit in a pool of her blood and wait til she passed out to call 9-1-1. I didn't want to get in trouble for helping her since she made me promise not to."

"Oh, Meredith." Derek's voice was strangled in agony for her as he reached across the table for her hand.

"For the longest time I had thought she had been trying to kill herself, but she wasn't. That's what Dr. Wyatt helped me see."

The skepticism was evident in Derek's features. "How did she know?"

"My mother was an excellent surgeon," she explained as a small, sad smile graced her lips. "She was a gifted, talented, extraordinary surgeon. If she had actually wanted to die, she knew better, faster, more efficient ways to make that happen. And she was nothing if not efficient," she lightly joked despite the dark conversation.

"She didn't want to die. It was a cry for attention of sorts. She wanted Richard to come back to her. But he never knew it happened and she was too stubborn to say anything. We left for Boston soon after that all happened."

Meredith turned the hand that Derek was clutching tightly so that she could weave her fingers with his.

"She wasn't talking about surgery. When she told me to be extraordinary, she wasn't talking about surgery."

"So the candles…?"

"Was me trying not to make the same mistakes my mother did. She was too proud to ask Richard for another chance even though she believed that he was her chance at true love." Meredith took a breath and gave Derek's hand a quick squeeze to make she he was really listening to this part. "I know you're my chance, Derek. I didn't want to miss it because I was too proud to fight for it."

"So the candles." Derek smiled in understanding.

"Yeah," she giggled under at the force of his smile. "The candles."

* * *

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	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the delay, everyone. My computer was broken and I just got it back from being fixed today.  
_Italicized text _is a flashback_. _**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_**Chapter 7**_

"I'm really proud of you, Mer."

After her confession, Derek quickly discarded their plates in the sink, declaring they could be cleaned later. He was aching to hold her and the consequences of letting the syrup dry on the plates was the least of his worries at the moment. He could buy new plates for all he cared.

They relaxed contently in each other's arms, nestled under the covers and Derek was positive he never wanted to move again.

"I know working through that couldn't have been easy for you."

"It was, uhh, less than fun," she admitted. "But it was worth it in the end, I think." Derek's arm tightened around her shoulders and she nuzzled her nose further into his neck in response.

"I think so, too."

The two spent the rest of their day lounging together on the trailer's small sofa. Needing a breather from the seriousness of that morning, Meredith and Derek indulged in a large bowl of popcorn and the wide array of dvd's the chief left on their movie nights.

* * *

The rest of the day passed in an uneventful, but pleasant fashion. The couple was only forced to leave the trailer for dinner supplies and gas so Derek could actually drive his car to work for the following day.

Monday morning began with the sound of the dull beeping of an alarm clock and the feeling of Derek's arms tightening around her middle as he woke, a routine Meredith would gladly continue for the rest of her life if he would let her.

After a sleepy good morning kiss and wandering around each other as they readied for the day, Derek offered to return the favor of driving her to work.

"So you just assume I'm going to want to come back here tonight?" she teased, poking him playfully in the ribs.

"Pardon me for not wanting to spend the night without you if I don't have to," came his retort, grabbing for the offending finger and pulling the rest of her flush against his body.

Meredith sighed into the embrace, enjoying the moment before she spoke again. "I would love to take you up on that, but-"

"No," Derek groaned dramatically. "No but's! Just stop at the taking me up on my offer part."

"_But,_" she stressed again through her giggle, "I don't have any more clothes here and I really can't show up in the same clothes 4 days in a row."

"We washed them," Derek protested pathetically.

"Yes, and I have never been happier that you have a built in washer/dryer in the trailer, but you're a smart man. Logically I think you know I need more than just one set of clothes."

"If we just stayed here you wouldn't need any clothes."

"Derek!"

"What?" The hint of petulance in his voice was downright adorable.

"Don't be porny right before we have to leave for work."

Grinning wickedly into her hair, Derek proceeded to drag his lip along the back of her jaw in an achingly slow pace. "You like it when I'm porny."

He was 99.9% sure that 'prorny' wasn't an actual word but Meredith's endearing choice in vocabulary was one of the many things he loved about her. He couldn't resist the urge to tempt her further and began sucking softly on the smooth skin just below her ear.

"Only when you actually have time to follow through on it," she countered with a suppressed groan, unwillingly pulling herself out of his arms.

"How about you grab some stuff, drive yourself to work, and meet me at my place when your shift is done? That way you have your car if you need it and I get to finally wear something different," she chuckled, looking down at the now way too familiar red sweater she was wearing.

Derek seemed satisfied with the plan she proposed, and kissed her quickly before grabbing a small duffle bag and filling it with clothes and various toiletries. As long as he didn't have to spend the night without her, he didn't mind where it was.

* * *

"Do you have a key?"

Startled by Meredith's sudden appearance, Derek took a moment to register that she had just sprinted up to him.

"I'm sorry?"

"A key. To my house. I couldn't remember if you had ever gotten a copy or something at some point so I just wanted to know…" His expression still looked lightly befuddled at her rambling so she continued to explain. "I just got paged into an emergency surgery with Dr. Webber and it doesn't look like I'll be getting off when I thought, so I wanted to give you this."

As he watched curiously, Derek's perplexed expression morphed into a dazzling grin. Dangling between two of Meredith's long fingers was a shiny, silver key accompanied by a familiar looking key chain.

"You kept it."

The gentle awe in his voice made her smile. "Of course I did."

* * *

_The end of Derek's first month of employment at Seattle Grace had come and gone and he was finding himself liking the city more and more with each passing day. _

_Of course, he had a feeling it was more to do with the people than the job itself. _

_Smiling devilishly down at the chart he was filling out, his focus was pulled away when the peppy voice of Izzie Stevens filled the quiet hall._

_"Happy birthday, Mered-"_

_"SHHHHHHH!"_

_Derek watched as Izzie's face fell when her friend interrupted her welcome._

_"What is your problem? That is a perfectly acceptable greeting when it's someone's birthd-"_

_"No! Don't even say that word. No one here is to know! I'm still trying to figure out how you found out."_

"_Don't be such a party pooper, Meredith! Who doesn't like their birthday?"_

_"Me! And I swear, if I come home to a surprise party, you're going to be looking for a new place to live."_

_He could barely suppress the deep chuckle the erupted from his chest as Derek watched Meredith push past Izzie and stalk back down the hallway. He hadn't known her for that long yet, but he was finding that he liked every side of Meredith that appeared. And pissed off Meredith was damned near adorable._

_He didn't know really what to call what they were doing, but he found himself a tad disappointed that Meredith hadn't told him about her impending birthday. Of course, based on her conversation with Dr. Stevens, she didn't seem too inclined to celebrate._

_Derek hadn't counted on Steven Wilson crashing his car sans seat belt and effectively ruining his impromptu plan to surprise Meredith with dinner. It was 9:47 at night and she had already left for home and more than likely already eaten dinner._

_Dejectedly crossing the lobby, Derek happened to notice a middle-aged woman shutting down the small gift shop he had yet to venture into.  
_

_Putting on his most persuasive smile, he jogged over to the gift shop and prepared to beg the tired looking woman to stay open for one more quick transaction._

_The hospital gift shop, not surprisingly so, had very little to go with seeing as Meredith was neither a six year old or needed to 'get well soon'._

_He was feeling incredibly stupid as stood on her doorstep holding up a flimsy, rubber ferryboat key chain that also sported the phrase 'I heart Seattle' in red bubble letters._

_However, despite the corny gift and the fact that she had no intention of acknowledging the fact that she was another year older, Derek swore he would never forget the way her eyes lit up upon noticing his presence and the musical giggle that escaped her lips as she accepted the small gift and pulled him by his coat sleeve into the house._

* * *

"This is the spare that I usually just keep in my locker," Meredith continued, pushing Derek back into the present. "I'm not sure who'll be home but you can let yourself in and make yourself at home until I get there if you want."

When Derek didn't make a move to take the key she was offering, Meredith began to worry a little. "I mean, it was only a suggestion so you wouldn't have to wait for me or someone else to get home," she started back peddling. "You don't have to take it if you don't want to. I won't be offended if you just wanted to go back to your trailer when you're done."

His eyes widened slightly at the sound of Meredith's disappointed rambling as he realized his mistake. He immediately grabbed for the object in question. "No, I'm sorry. I think I just have a lot on my mind with all this paperwork that has to be done now for the trial. Of course I'll be there."

He knew she didn't like PDA while they were at work (where people could see them), but he leaned in to kiss the corner of her mouth anyway.

Relaxing a bit, Meredith gave in to the affection and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face in the crook of Derek's neck. However, the moment was short lived, as she realized the Chief of Surgery was currently waiting for her assistance in OR 3.

With a quick kiss on the cheek and a promise to see him later, Meredith sprinted down the corridor, leaving Derek grinning madly at the small piece of rubber in his hand.

* * *

**Constructive feedback and thoughts are welcomed as usual.**  
**Thanks for reading.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello everyone!**

**Thank you to those of you who took the time to review!**

**For those of you keeping up with _Just a Girl in a Bar_, I'm really sorry it's taken this long to update. This semester has been killing me, my computer was broken for longer than a week, and I just found out that I'm going to needed a 3rd surgery on my knee right after finals :(**  
**I promise I'm going to try to update when I can, but honestly, I can't promise a set date for the next chapter.**  
**Thank you for your patience.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_**Chapter 8**_

The next few days passed by in a very similar fashion.

If they planned to spend the night at Derek's trailer, Meredith remembered to pack a couple sets of clothes and the two drove back in his Land Rover. If one or both of them had an early shift, they planned to crash a Meredith's.

The spare key was getting passed back and forth as needed, seeing as neither was really sure of what to make of it.

The first time Meredith offered it to him, it was purely a logical decision. She hadn't actually considered the implications it had for their relationship if she really were to give him his own key to her house.

So when Derek returned it to her when she got home that first night, she simply accepted it back with a smile. In turn, this little ritual continued on, neither participant willing to break it.

Derek wasn't about to let her think he was pushing her by claiming the key for himself and Meredith was still trying to sort out what giving him his own key would mean.

It wasn't that she didn't want to move forward with him. Of course that was the ultimate goal. But in the past, Derek had proven to be the 'give him an inch and he'll take a mile' sort of guy. For God's sake, she told him she didn't want them to see other people and he showed up with house plans the next day.

She almost couldn't believe it herself when she walked up the wooden steps of the trailer's porch, a shiny new key digging into her palm as she clutched it tightly.

The metal door screeched on its hinges, alerting Derek to her arrival. He was standing over the small stove, stirring the contents of the pot in front of him.

"Hey," he greeted with a wide smile and a hint of surprise. Turning the heat down, it moved to kiss her softly in greeting. "I didn't think you'd be over tonight. I thought you had a late shift."

"Izzie took it so I could cover for her on Friday. Is this a bad time?"

"No! You're always welcome here," Derek immediately reassured her, leading her to take a seat. "Have you eaten? I was just heating up some soup but there's enough for two."

"Yeah, that'd be good."

The minutes passed in amiable silence while Derek watched over their dinner and the sounds of crickets served as the background noise of their evening. Meredith took advantage of the time to compose and work up the courage to go through with her plan. Unfortunately, her time had come to an end as Derek placed a steaming bowl in front of her and took a seat on the other side of the table.

"I want to give you something before we start eating," she blurted out before she lost her nerve. Not giving him a chance to respond, Meredith held out the tiny present.

It only took a moment for Derek's eyes to start sparkling with infections joy. This was, by far, one of her favorite Derek smiles.

"Is this to your house?" He asked, reaching for the key.

"Yeah," she smiled, finally feeling confident about her decision. "I tried finding the same keychain you got me, but the gift shop seems to have changed their stock in the past couple years. Luckily they still had some with ferryboats," she giggled. "I know it's tacky but I thought it was time you got your own key. Didn't make sense to keep lending you one."

"It's not tacky," Derek shook his head, still beaming. "I love it. I love you, thank you."

Not wasting another second, he closed the small space and pulled Meredith in for a kiss.

"I love you, too."

Meredith, satisfied for the moment at how well that all went, picked up her spoon to eat the soup in front of her.

Derek, however, was still enthralled with the key and the small piece of plastic attached to it that was settled in his hand.

Because as amazing as it was that Meredith was taking steps in their relationship, the simple, plastic ferryboat reminded him that all the moving forward in the world wouldn't mean a thing if they kept _not _having a very particular conversation.

They had freely covered almost every issue and misunderstanding they had had since they began their relationship, save for the fateful day at the docks and every consequent downfall that followed.

Not wanting to completely ruin the peaceful mood for the time being, he stuck the key into his pocket and joined Meredith in eating their dinner.

* * *

After the dishes were done, the conversation transformed into comfortable silence. Meredith was perched on the foot of the bed and skimming through the latest medical journal Derek had been reading earlier that evening. Derek seized the opportunity to bring up the topic they had both been avoiding.

"So I think we need to talk," he began, timidly rubbing the back of his neck.

He regretted his choice of words as he watched her once content expression morph into one of terror.

"Did, uhm…Is something wrong?"

"No! Nothing's wrong. That was extremely poor word choice on my part." Derek moved the discarded magazine and took the spot on the bed next to his girlfriend.

"Okay, good. Cause I thought we had been doing well. With all the talking and communicating and key…giving." Meredith cringed at her own rambling. Derek just grinned in adoration.

"We are," he confirmed, kissing the tip of her nose and then her cheek. "And I love that you're trying to help us move forward. It just got me thinking that before we go any further, we still have a couple more things to talk about."

He didn't need to say anything more for Meredith to know what he was referring to. It had been weighing on her mind a lot lately but she had been at a loss for how to bring it up. Apparently she didn't need to worry about that particular problem anymore.

"Are you really ready to talk about this, Derek?" Her voice was calm, but held a hint of warning. She knew he wasn't going to like what she had to say.

"I am."

"You have to let me talk without getting upset."

"I know. And we may need to employ one of our rules and take a breather but…" But this had been their ultimate downfall. This has been the point where, one way or another, they both had given up.

"We need it to move on," Meredith finished softly.

Derek just nodded.

"First of all, I didn't jump into the water."

Meredith had risen from her spot next to Derek on the bed and had begun to pace within the small confines of the trailer.

"You've made it clear on many occasions that you think that I voluntarily went into the water that day so I'd like the chance to tell you what actually happened."

Derek was already feeling nauseous and almost regretting bringing up this conversation.

"I was with that little girl when I noticed a man with a huge upper leg laceration lying by the edge of the dock. I managed to patch it up but right when I finished with him, he started to panic and ended up pushing me into the water. I fell 6 feet and landed on my head into below freezing water." Derek's face was growing paler by the moment, making every sentence harder to get through than the last.

"I swam, Derek. I promise you, I swam. But the water was freezing and I could barely tell which way was up. By the time I found the surface I was exhausted and…and just for moment I…" The tears she had sworn to herself she wouldn't let fall were now cascading down her cheeks. "I just thought…'what's the point?'"

Derek was sure he was going to throw up now.

"I'm not proud of it," Meredith voice cracked as she chocked down a sob. "And I regretted it the moment I let myself think it, but it was too late."

Derek wasn't even looking at her at this point. His elbows were digging into his knees as his hands covered his face. He'd always known that she had to of given up. She was a good swimmer and the dock wasn't that far from where she had fallen, so it had been the only explanation in his mind. But finally hearing her actually confess to it had him reliving that torturous day all over again.

"That was the worst day of my life," Derek finally spoke in a strangled voice.

"I know," she whispered, voice equally sad. This was not the way she had envisioned their night going when she first arrived with his key.

"I just…Why wasn't I enough? Why weren't we enough?"

"What?"

"I know your mother waking up lucid took its toll on you. I know she had to of said something that upset you. But I was there. I was right there trying to help you. So why weren't we enough to fight for?"

"I did fight for you," Meredith insisted furiously. "I came back for you. I fought death for you. I was dead-"

"Nobody knows that better than I do, Meredith!" Derek's sudden anger surprised them both. "I spent the scariest hour of my life trying to keep that from happening in the ambulance and then I was kicked out of your trauma room and force to wait while five doctors did their damnedest to get your heart to start beating again. Believe me, Meredith, I will never forget that for the worst 4 hours of my life, you were dead."

"I will never be able to apologize enough for how much I hurt you. I know that. You need to know you had nothing to do with my severe lapse in judgment. That was me and my issues. But you had everything to do with me waking up again. I realized I hadn't had near enough time with you. I wasn't done loving you. And that all my stupid fears weren't worth giving you up. So I came back."

Derek was at a loss for what to say. This was already too much to process for one night, yet the conversation had only just begun.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry I left you hanging for so long.  
Enjoy!**

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_**Chapter 9**_

"Derek, please say something."

Derek had been having a rather intense staring contest with the floor when Meredith spoke.

"Do you want to stop?" she whispered again.

"No." He finally raised his head and Meredith's bottom lip trembled at the sight of his unshed tears.

"Are you sure?"

He wasn't. But he did know that this wasn't a conversation that he wanted to drag out any longer than it had to be, so pushing through seemed like the best option. He didn't trust himself to speak so he merely nodded his affirmation.

"Okay…Was there anything you wanted to say before…?"

"Don't push me away again."

Meredith looked down in guilt.

"I knew something was wrong and you yelled at me for hovering. I know you didn't jump and I know you regret what happened, but I spent months lying awake at night wondering why I didn't insist you take the day off after I pulled you out the bathtub. Why I didn't make you actually talk to me. I came up with a thousand scenarios that could have kept you out of that water but it didn't matter because I had already failed you."

"It wasn't anything you did, Derek."

"I know that. And I'm glad we talked about it because we needed too. But I just need you to promise me that you'll try not to shut me out like that again."

"I will. But I need you to promise the same."

Derek's gazed turned questioning at her comment.

"I drowned and you pulled away from me."

"You constantly accused me of hovering," he argued.

"I needed you the most and you shut me out."

"I asked you to communicate and you mocked me," Derek countered, getting defensive. "You didn't share anything real. You told me what you had for lunch or when you were getting on an elevator."

"I wasn't mocking you, Derek. You pulled away from me. You ignored my phone calls and messages for days. I'm not dumb. I knew you were upset about something and of course I thought it was me so I was actually trying to communicate and joke and make you happy. Obviously that didn't work."

Derek looked back to the floor again, at a loss at how to defend his actions.

"You told me you didn't want to breathe for me."

The pain in Meredith's voice made him feel lower than scum.

"That's not what I meant."

"Well that's exactly what you said, Derek. You didn't want to breathe for me so I tried breathing for myself. I dealt with my own issues and all that got me was you accusing me of not being able to commit and telling me that the highlight of your week was flirting with another woman."

"That didn't mean that I wanted you to completely shut me out when your father slapped you in the middle of the hospital. Or that I wanted to hear about the incident with your intern exam from George instead of you."

"Well what was I supposed to think after that night? We had sex and you couldn't even look at me afterwards. You told me you didn't want to breathe for me and…"

Meredith paused, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed with the entire situation.

"What?" Derek urged.

"You just let me leave. You didn't show up." That simple fact might have been what stung the worst that night. "You said you would always show up and you didn't. After I drowned you just…you stopped showing up."

He had promised that. Yet another way he had failed her.

"I had, uhhh…I had something things I was trying to deal with."

"Well enlighten me, Derek! Because, I swear, just when I think I know what you want, you go and turn everything around on me."

Derek cringed at her frustrated tone. This conversation wasn't going as well as he had hoped it would. And he had definitely wanted her in a better mood before finally telling her about his conversation with the Chief.

"My meeting with the board during the race for Chief didn't go as well as I had hoped," he began timidly.

"I know," Meredith replied, trying to calm herself down in order to listen. "You told me you were distracted."

"I was," he nodded. "I was still reeling from your drowning. Do be honest, I was still afraid to be away from you for more than five minutes because I needed to see that you were still breathing. The next day I went to talk to Richard to make sure I could count on him to back me with the board. I thought for sure he would since he promised me the job when I moved out here, but…"

Meredith frowned. "But what?"

"But he told me that he couldn't do that because of a promise he made to your mother."

Meredith's frown deepened and her eyebrows crinkled together in confusion. "What on Earth does my mother have to do with you being Chief?"

"He said that he promised Ellis that he would look out for you. And that my being Chief wouldn't be in your best interest because he knew that either the job or the relationship would suffer. He obviously thought that I would let our relationship suffer before the job so he couldn't let me have it."

"That's ridiculous. He's not allowed to make business decisions based on stupid promises he made to my mother. Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I didn't know how. It's not like I was going to break up with you just so I could get the job, but at the same time, being Chief was one of the main reasons I came to Seattle and our relationship complicated that."

Meredith's gaze immediately darkened. "I'm a complication?"

Derek had never regretted his words so quickly. "No, that's not what I'm saying."

"No, except, that's exactly what you said. You seem to have a nasty habit of saying things you say you don't mean, Derek."

"You are not a complication, Meredith. I never regretted staying with you. I was just struggling with letting go of something I had wanted for so long."

"Is that why you asked me to put you out of your misery?"

"What are you talking about?"

"In the locker room. Before Cristina's wedding. You told me to put you out of your misery. Do I make you miserable, Derek? I'm a miserable complication?!"

Derek finally stood. "You're not listening! And stop putting words in my mouth!"

"I'm only repeating, practically verbatim, exactly what you said to me. How else do you expect me to take these things?"

"Maybe if you stuck around long enough for me to explain instead of running all the time, we wouldn't have this problem!"

Meredith pulled back as if his words slapped her. The anger in her eyes dissipated to sadness before she turned to gather her purse and keys.

"Where are you going?" The anger in Derek's voice was still evident, but had thankfully lessoned.

"I'm going to go home."

"You're running away?" This couldn't be happening. They had been being so well up until this moment. They couldn't really be over because of one more stupid fight.

"I'm not running away," Meredith stated with forced calm as she pulled on her jacket. "I'm _walking_ away. I'm following our rules and walking away before we both say something else we'll regret."

With all her belongings gathered, Meredith paused at the door as she looked back to Derek. He stood dejectedly in front of the bed, gazing at her with the saddest eyes she's ever seen. Every cell in her body was screaming at her to run to him, but she stood her ground by the door.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" She tried to make her voice sound as hopeful as possible, but she wasn't sure how convincing she managed to be.

The only thing running through her mind as she drove home was the mournful look on Derek's face before she closed the trailer door.


	10. Chapter 10

**This is it! Final chapter!  
Hope you all have enjoyed this story because I really enjoyed writing it.**

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_**Chapter 10**_

The sound of the closing door reverberated throughout the almost empty trailer, practically mocking Derek for being alone yet again.

The tightening feeling in his chest reminded him painfully of the night he told her he couldn't breathe for her. Looking back on it, one of his biggest regrets was that he didn't go after her that night.

The sound of raindrops hitting the tin roof only seemed appropriate to his dismal mood.

It wasn't supposed to be like this again. It wasn't supposed to feel like this anymore.

* * *

The ride back home to her house was felt solemn at best.

This whole talking thing was supposed to help them, not force them to end their night in separate bedrooms and wondering what the hell they were going to do next.

Rain started falling as she shuffled her way through the door. Meredith found it only fitting for her current mood.

Thankful that none of her roommates noticed her entrance, she headed straight up to her room before stripping down to put on her pajamas and crawling under the covers.

She knew sleep was a far off goal for the night so she rolled over to face the window, watching the dazzling patterns the raindrops were creating as they raced down her window.

Meredith was just about to roll over to attempt to get comfortable for what felt like the thousandth time when she heard the sound of her bedroom door creak open. Assuming it was one of her roommates, she groaned in annoyance.

"Izzie, please don't. I don't want a cupcake, I don't want to talk. I just want to try to sleep."

"Uhhhh…"

The deep voice that answered her was most definitely not Izzie's, so she whipped up to a sitting position to face the intruder.

"I, uhhh, I didn't bring cupcakes," Derek confessed lamely.

Meredith merely stared at him in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

He looked soaked to the bone by the rain and a small part of her was simply dying to push the few unruly strands of his hair off his forehead.

She promptly told that part of her to shut the hell up and waited for his response.

"I'm showing up," he finally said. "This is me showing up."

"What?"

"You were right. I stopped showing up. I told you that no matter what and no matter who yelled, I would always show up and I didn't make good on that promise. But this is supposed to be it, right? This is our last shot. So I'm showing up."

All Meredith could do was look on in shock.

Derek took a timid step into the darkened bedroom. "You're not a complication, Meredith. You are the most stunning and vivacious and complex person I have ever met. But you are not a complication." Sensing no objection from Meredith, he took a seat facing her on the edge of the bed. "And you by no means make me miserable. That was incredibly stupid wording on my part and I'm sorry for that. Being without you is what makes me miserable. That's what I had meant to say. That's how I had felt like I had been living. And I know I had a hand in that; I won't pretend I didn't."

"You told me you didn't want to breathe for me. So I started breathing on my own. I'm sorry it hurt you, but you have no idea how much it hurt me to leave your trailer that night."

"I still don't want to breathe for you," Derek confessed, making Meredith's features contort in a mixture of surprise and pain. "I need you to breathe _with _me."

Meredith's eye's softened at his words as her tears finally began to escape down her cheeks. "I think I can do that," she whispered.

Derek responded with a light kiss to her lips, stroking the tears from her cheeks with his fingertips. The kiss deepened and the couple slowly began to descend together to the bed. Once Derek was fully on top of her, she remembered that Derek was still soaked from the rain when she felt the cold water seep from his clothes to her skin.

"We need to get you out of these clothes."

"My thoughts exactly," Derek lowly murmured, his voice leaving no mistake as to what he had on his mind.

"No," Meredith giggled at his eagerness. "I meant you need to change before you catch an pneumonia. Your clothes are dripping and you've probably left a puddle on the sheets where you were sitting."

"My plan is so much more fun though," he pouted.

"Get up, Derek."

Grumbling good naturedly, he rolled off the bed towards the bathroom to retrieve a towel as Meredith opened the closet for some fresh bed linens and dry clothes for her guest.

* * *

The dreams wouldn't stop.

Actually, she really couldn't classify them as dreams. Watching your boyfriend bleed out and die over and over was, in fact, the opposite if a dream come true.

It had been three weeks since Derek had 'shown up' and they were doing better than they ever had been relationship wise. They had been talking about everything.

Except her nightmares.

Almost every night, without fail, Meredith would dream about that fateful night on Derek's land, surrounded by hundreds of candles as she waited for him to come back from breaking things off Rose. The candles would flicker out one by one until they all were blown out by the wind.

Just when the last candle would die out, her phone would ring and a frantic Cristina would be on the other end telling her she needed to get to the hospital as fast as she could.

Her dream would always skip ahead to her running through the doors of the hospital, frantic to get to the ER. Cristina and Dr. Webber would speak to her but the only thing she could focus on was the sight of a bruised and bloodied Derek, lying unconscious and intubated in a trauma room.

The cause of his accident would vary. Sometimes it was a drunk driver who ran a red light. Sometimes he swerved to avoid hitting something and hit a telephone poll.

But the one thing that never changed was that she always showed up just in time to watch Dr. Bailey call time of death.

The sight never failed to make her completely fall apart.

The night before she woke up sobbing and nearly woke Derek in the process of trying to control her shaking and tears. Meredith fled to the bathroom to get a handle on her crying without waking her boyfriend, thankful that his exhausted state left him sleeping deeper than usual.

That night she decided it was time to clue Dr. Wyatt in on her nightmare. Like always, Dr. Wyatt remained completely passive while Meredith recounted every disturbing detail. Even as she reached across the table to offer Meredith a tissue to dab her eyes.

"And how often did you say you had this dream?" Dr. Wyatt asked once Meredith had finished.

"Almost every night for the past three weeks. Some nights I get lucky, but if Derek's on call or we have to spend the night alone, it's almost a guarantee that I'll have the dream."

"And why do you think you're having this dream?"

Meredith's forehead crinkled in irritation. "If I knew that, why would I be talking to you about it? Can't you just ever tell me things?"

"It's important for us to work through this together," the doctor explained patiently.

"Well I don't know why I'm having the dream."

"Is something bothering you? Something about Derek?"

Meredith hesitated. "I don't know," she admitted. Everything had been going perfectly, but since the dreams started she couldn't get rid of this annoying, nagging feeling in the back of her mind.

Dr. Wyatt cocked her head thoughtfully to the side. "Well then, let's talk about it."

Meredith knew that maybe this meant she wasn't as hole and healed as she had thought.

And she'd probably have to tell Derek about the disturbing dreams too.

But she also knew was that she'd be willing to try anything now. Even cooperating with her therapist without firing her seven times first.

There's no way something as stupid as a dream was going to keep her from her happy ending.

She was leaning into the fear.

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